So lately I'm noticing that my daily writing sucks. It's not awful, it's just doodly, airy, and ineffectual. There are no pages of whole and shining poems. There are few story-starts or zingy ideas.
Overall, the writing is mediocre. And I seem to be returning to the same things, over and over again.
Then, on a walk last week, my friend Kathy mentioned the balance between activity and receptivity. We can't be all action . . . and neither can we be all receiving. We've got to find the balance between the two.
She asked me what I was up to and I rattled off a list of my classes and events and doings. "These are all active," she said. "What are you doing that's receptive?"
I thought of my walks, meditation, and journal. Oh! My journal. In a flash I saw that the reason that my daily writing and journaling is so loosey-goosey and blah and repetitive is that I'm writing in a state of listening, resting, and receiving. Lately I'm not writing in a state of active creation.
I'm not forcing anything, but just being. This is awesome.
But it's good for me to be aware of this: I'm tottering on the brink of this balance between my private creative life and my public, active, creative life. I am paying a price because I'm putting out so much energy in other areas.
What this means is my journal is becoming mush. It's a nice mush. I need it.
But demanding that I be constantly brilliant, active, and continually churning up beautiful creations is unrealistic and unkind to my soul.
If I want to push my edges with the writing a bit . . . if I want to draw forth something that resonates with life and energy . . . well, then I'll need to slow down some of the activity.
It's not about good or bad choices. It's about what I want and need at any given time. It's about releasing demands so I can have that unfocused, sweet time that dribbles and wanders like a lazy little brook. Or gently fills, like a mud puddle.
Too, it's about noticing what I miss and where I'd like to focus. And shifting things so that I can do that.
Are you demanding active creation without providing rest and receptivity?