So
lately I'm noticing that my daily writing sucks. It's not awful, it's
just doodly, airy, and ineffectual. There are no pages of whole and
shining poems. There are few story-starts or zingy ideas.
Overall, the writing is mediocre. And I seem to be returning to the same things, over and over again.
Then, on a walk last week, my friend Kathy
mentioned the balance between activity and receptivity. We can't be all
action . . . and neither can we be all receiving. We've got to find the
balance between the two.
She
asked me what I was up to and I rattled off a list of my classes and
events and doings. "These are all active," she said. "What are you doing
that's receptive?"
I
thought of my walks, meditation, and journal. Oh! My journal. In a
flash I saw that the reason that my daily writing and journaling is so
loosey-goosey and blah and repetitive is that I'm writing in a state of
listening, resting, and receiving. Lately I'm not writing in a state of active creation.
I'm not forcing anything, but just being. This is awesome.
But
it's good for me to be aware of this: I'm tottering on the brink of this
balance between my private creative life and my public, active, creative
life. I am paying a price because I'm putting out so much energy in
other areas.
What this means is my journal is becoming mush. It's a nice mush. I need it.
But
demanding that I be constantly brilliant, active, and continually
churning up beautiful creations is unrealistic and unkind to my soul.
If
I want to push my edges with the writing a bit . . . if I want to draw
forth something that resonates with life and energy . . . well, then
I'll need to slow down some of the activity.
It's
not about good or bad choices. It's about what I want and need at any
given time. It's about releasing demands so I can have that unfocused,
sweet time that dribbles and wanders like a lazy little brook. Or gently
fills, like a mud puddle.
Too, it's about noticing what I miss and where I'd like to focus. And shifting things so that I can do that.
Okay.
Deep breath.
Okay.
Are you demanding active creation without providing rest and receptivity?
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