Gazing Back

In my face I can read all that I felt: insecure, hopeful, homely, kind, bright and eager. What I wanted most in the world were two things: hair that feathered roundly, like Farrah Fawcett, and to fit in with my new foster parents. I had hair that was stubbornly straight, a habitual slouch, and glowing skin. I didn't know what to do with my appearance or about growing up. I opened wide my deep-set, bewildered eyes, which looked brown to the world but were truly hazel. I was shy. I pretended to be outgoing - because that's what people liked, and I wanted so badly to be liked. I was determined to smile, to be breezy, and above all to make it through my whirlwind thirteenth year.

Find a picture taken of yourself when you were a crossroads. Write about that picture.


  1. Christi, I can so deeply empathsize with most of what you shared. We learned to act like all was ok, no matter what. This was a tough time of a young lady's life and you had a struggle that I could not quite relate to. We both dealt with many things that have made us strong. Your quick "gaze" helped me to stare into my own past. Thanks

  2. I had that hair, designed to look like Farrah Fawcett's, mostly because I was older and spent an hour on it every morning. In most ways. down to the eyes, and the shyness and the pretending, I think we could have been twins. But, where is that picture? I think I've carefully hidden them all away someplace ...

  3. Darlene, Thanks for the note!

    Lisa, I'd love to see that picture!


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